The disease of never feeling like what you're doing is enough
For the past week or so I have been working on a binder with every recipe for every cocktail I have ever made and ever will make. 150 different cocktails alphabetically categorized with step by step instructions of how to make the drink. I finished it this morning after grinding all day yesterday and all of the morning today. That should have left me with some fulfillment, but it didn't. I finished writing down the ingredients to the drink, "Zombie" and I felt no joy, no pride in the work I had done. I just slid over my laptop and started working on my next project. The continuous cycle of grind and no reward, no form of happiness, just right on to the next thing.
So I was about 2 pages deep into my next project and I thought to myself, what the fuck am I doing? Keep in mind that this was a Saturday at 2:00pm, everyone else around me was tailgating and here I was sitting in the common room. I feel as if I never have a moment to stop and sniff the roses, the engine just keeps on running, traveling to a location in the distance that I can not see.
So how do you learn to become content with the work you do without feeling like it is never enough? Thats the question I struggle with right now. One thing I try to do is smile. Smile when you feel down, smile when you feel unfulfilled, smile when no one else is around. It will enhance your mood.
What I am working on now is being able to be happy with myself even if I feel that I am not doing everything I sought out to in a day. To take pride in the small victories, that's what it's all about. If you aren't able to take pride in the small victories you will never be able to win the big battles.