Social issues

Yesterday was a growing day. I had a couple of really good talks with close friends of mine. Most of it revolved around expressing how I was feeling about certain people and what their relationship meant to me.

One thing I have been debating as of late is whether or not I should have snapchat. Every single person around me on campus has the app and for most of them it is the number 1 source for communication with friends.

I deleted snapchat around a year and a half ago during a difficult time in my life where I was trying to find my identity and my confidence. I made a vow in my dorm room at Springfield college that I would not re download the app under any circumstances. I had to learn to love and accept who I was in real life instead of trying to form a false identity over this app on my phone.

Now I have other apps like Instagram and Facebook on my phone but that is mostly for just networking and promoting my non profit. I wish I could delete it all off my phone. And maybe I am an asshole when I see other people flexing for a selfie to send to someone else and I cast a glare in their direction. I can't agree with it because it seems like something somebody much younger would do, not college students.

My biggest fear in life always will be the fear of regret. What if I look back on my life in 10 years with regret? What if I wished I had been more social and outgoing, that I embraced the good times instead of trying to form this false identity? Nobody ever wants to feel regret and I feel like most of my life revolves around trying to escape that feeling.

I will probably be living in a beautiful house in cape cod during the next 10 years but I don't want to be sitting on the porch wishing I had gone out more on Friday nights instead of staying in and feeling bad for myself.

So I want to start a new era in my life and but that does not involve downloading snapchat. Snapchat was a part of my old self, I am not that same person anymore. Not using it is part of what makes me unique from the pack. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. If the right person comes along she will love me for who I am and not judge me for who I am not.

Sometimes you need to have an extra cup of fermented grape juice to realize to figure out who you really are, there is nothing wrong with that. That's what I did last night, and I feel great today because of what I was challenging myself to accept. This life ours really shouldn't be all that serious, we should all be able to laugh at our failures, dance in the rain with not a worry in the world.