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One task at a time & choosing yourself

I tend to overwhelm myself during my daily routine. I want and try to get everything done at one time. The two biggest things in my life right now is my schoolwork and Inspire Others (my non profit). I care about both of these things equally I would like to say but I always find myself with a list of over 50 things to do and only a few hours to do it. This leads to me getting overwhelmed and no completing any of it. Most of the time it gives me a headache too.

So what I am trying to do right now is telling myself to slow down, relax, and completely submerge myself into one task at a time. So today is going to be a day I work on Inspire Others because I like to to schoolwork on Sundays. So when I get back from the dining hall I need to sit down and get after it. No time to sit around and stare at my way too long list. So my advice would be to break up your week. I tend to make a master list of things to do at the beginning of the week, instead, make a smaller list of what to do today.

Even with blog posts. I tend to have so many ideas, I might start one, write 4 sentences and then start a whole different post. But the only way to have the best post is if you submerge yourself fully into one idea.

So as you can probably guess, I am someone who gets distracted very easily. Especially when something is bothering me. Something has been on my mind a lot as of late. For the past couple of months there have been on and off feelings about this particular person. A great friend of mine who I thought about becoming more than friends with. But then I came to my senses. I was not choosing this person out of desire but more out of loneliness, I felt that I needed someone to make myself happy. I now know that is not true.

No matter what I do, no matter who I am with, I am still alone at the end of the day in my mind. Everybody is alone in this world, no matter who you think you have, you still have to win the battles in your mind by yourself, it's a solo fight.

Didn't mean to sound depressing, more practical and truthful. And to be honest, I am not totally happy with who I am right now, so before I choose someone to date I need to make sure that I am 100% comfortable with who I am. It's a process and it will take time to learn to love yourself but it is very important that I do so I know that I am making the right choice.

I would say that one of the reasons I am not happy with who I am right now is because I feel like I am never doing enough. like I could always be a better person and a better worker, no matter how hard I am currently trying. I wish I could be content with who I am but I am not and I have to learn to be thankful for my accomplishments because it will only help my overall well-being.

I also need to start having a more open mind, when it comes to things I do not agree with. Having a strong opinion about something that you have not tried isn't fair, try it out before you count it out.

Lastly, my momma told me the other day that I needed to "be bold." Now don't get me wrong, I am pretty damn bold when it comes to talking about my mental health and I generally have a confidence aura. You know what... I actually can't find anything that I am not bold about, is that arrogant? Maybe, but I am proud of it anyways.

Alright, at this point I don't know why I am still writing, I just finished a cup of coffee and I want to keep writing but I am pretty burnt out. So I will end it here. I feel a lot better than I did when I started writing today. I always forget how powerful writing is, and honestly if you are feeling down about yourself, just pick up a pen and paper and I can assure you that you will feel at least a little bit better.

My wall in my room, makes me happy

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