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Never Forget what drives you

Updated: Dec 7, 2022

What has been lacking in my life recently has been a lack of drive, I feel like I have lost the drive in the last year or so. I was writing in my journal this morning about my past and I went through one particular memory. This memory was about 2 years long and it really showed how unfair the world is, but it also reminded me of what drove me.

Freshman year of high school I wasn't in the best shape of my life, I was a really good athlete but I was a little bit overweight so they stuck me on the line, I played tackle and occasionally tight end but I knew that I was being held back from my abilities. But I still didn't have the drive to make a change because my athleticism always bailed me out before. After the football season, I had a couple of days off and then basketball tryouts. Basketball had always been something that meant a lot to me. The competition and the grind was something that I really didn't feel playing any other sport. At tryouts I would not say that I was playing as hard as I could of but I still felt as if I was one of the best players on the floor. I made it to the last cut and then they brought all of the finalists into a classroom, called out all of the names that made it and my name was not one of them. This devastated me and it was the first real roadblock I had hit in my relatively easy life. I punched a brick wall, cried, and ripped my shirt in half in the locker room afterwards because I knew I had blew it. But now I had something to feed off of, some bulletin board material.

That winter leading up to freshman year baseball I took a new approach to life leading up to baseball season which started that spring. I was coaching youth basketball and focusing more on myself. Life was going good. Baseball season came and went and I did really well, I think my era was around 2. But football was still on my mind. That summer I took it up a notch and got shredded. I was lifting almost everyday and running like a madman. Pre-season practices and evaluations were now here and I was more than ready. It was time to go. There were two things I knew I could really excel at, the 20 yard sprint and the pacer test. The 20 yard dash I killed it, I think it was a sub 3 without a running start. The pacer test was my chance to compete and show off and that is what I did. I was well over 100 in the top 5 or close to it and it was one of the greatest feelings I have ever had. The letters I wrote everyday on my wrist were HWPO (Hard Work Pays Off). I had coaches and players coming up to me in awe and saying how I would be a position player this season.

By the start of the season I was the starting wide receiver, punter, and d-end. Everything was going well, I was fast, tall, and had great hands. It was about halfway through the season and we had a home game on a Saturday morning. I was having a great game, had a sack and a couple of really good catches. Then the second half started and we started with a running play. I ran into the middle from the right hash and I ended up getting pushed down, immediately after someone fell on the back of my calf af I felt a sharp pain. I limped off the field but just assumed it was a cramp. I went back in after 1 play but quickly noticed I could not place my ankle on the ground. The school trainer said I should wait till the next morning to get it checked out. I went to urgent care and they told me to go to the hospital. I had multiple blood clots in my left leg surrounded by a hematoma. I had to stay in the hospital for 3 days and for the next 3 months, 2 times a day, I had to administer a shot to my lower belly of blood thinner. It was brutal. All of my hard work was slowly going down the drain. I became slightly depressed and never had the same drive until I went to Springfield college my freshman year but after barely 2 months on campus we got sent home because of Covid. And in November of that Freshman year at Springfield I had surgery on my torn patellar tendon in my knee and I was down and out again.

It's been two years since that last surgery, I am 220 pounds, 30 over my goal weight. I dug myself a hole and I know how hard it will be to get back to the point but my drive is back, I want to get back to my old self. It will be a long road but I need to be patient and work everyday knowing that I will do it. Starting goal will be to lose 10 pounds by November 15th. For my own good, for my family, my self confidence, and social life it will be the right move. And let's not forget, new wardrobe. Wish me luck.

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