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Learn to say no / make your own decisions

Updated: Oct 26, 2021

As you age you learn more and more that most decisions you have made in the past have been in the interest of appeasing others. Maybe you are going out with a group of friends and you don't really feel like drinking that night but you do anyways because everyone else is. You do not always need make decisions that are the right decisions in someone else's mind.

I will give you a quick example of how I found out that I was doing things not for myself but for the best interest of others,

About a year and a half ago, a few months before Coronavirus spread, I had built a bar in my basement. I built a bar, put in string lights, and basically redecorated my whole basement and turned it into the spot to be. {What I am going to say next should not and will not take away from the fact that I did have some really fun times with friends at my house.} Anyways I started having people over and all was great until it turned into almost every week, I was gaining weight and still feeling stressed that I had to take care and was responsible for all these people.

As bad as Coronavirus was, it hit and I was grateful for the time it brought me to reflect on were I was in life. Then I did something regretful, I built a 2nd bar for underneath my deck, in an effort to still have parties in a safe environment, outside. Granted I used mostly scrap wood for this one, it still took a lot of time and effort. I bought more string lights, more river rock for the flooring, and more Adirondack chairs. And for what? I was still not content with who I was, I felt as if I could never "say no" because I constantly wanted to be accepted by others.

I would have 15-30 people over outside last summer and for what? I wasn't happy, I was putting people in danger with the pandemic still going around, and it was a lot of money for food and drinks for me at the time.

In retrospect I regret throwing some of these parties because of the stress it caused me and because of how my graciousness was never reciprocated. Often people whom I invited would not thank me before they left, they would not invite me to any of their parties, and they would just be disrespectful. Don't get me wrong, this was not every guest, I had my core group of friends who I love to this day and always hang out with, those are the real friends.

My gut told me that I shouldn't have all these people over all the time, but I still did. Come to find out that my gut was right like always, and I need to learn to always go with my gut because that is where true growth comes from.

Do not always follow what the rest of the pack is doing, you will have more respect for yourself and people will have more respect for you if you are the one who says no. Self respect is earned, you have to built up trust with you inner self by going with your gut and saying no to that drink. Be that person who is able to dance at the bar when they are sober, don't follow the pack if you don't think it is the right thing to do.

"The true character of a man is not defined by what he does in front of a crowd but instead by what he does when no one else is around."

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