Dating, Dates, and waiting for stars to align
Updated: Feb 9, 2022
I feel loneliness. There are pieces missing in my life, voids that are unexplainable and hard to fill. Loneliness does not just come from being alone where no one else is there for you, real loneliness is where you can not even depend on yourself anymore. It leaves an emptiness in your soul. I always thought that having a significant other in my life would lead me to being fulfilled.
I have taken out 4 girls in the past year. Every one of them did not last past a first or second date. And just recently I have taken to Hinge to try and find that soulmate somewhere out there. I lasted 3 days on Hinge, personally I couldn't do it, it was just hard for me to feel like I connect with people when I am picking out the pretty ones from a pack. Just not my style, nothing against people who use dating apps, sometimes it really does work out. But didn't work out for me. I figure Hinge would be better than Tinder because the reviews said it was used mostly for relationships. Honestly if my game wasn't so off I might have been able to find a nice relationship.
But let me tell you people, my confidence in person is wayyyy higher than talking over the phone. I can spit a pretty good game in person but as soon as I have to instant message someone I sound like a dork. People will just tell me "be yourself" or "let it come to your naturally", I always get annoyed when I am told that because you can't be yourself over the phone and even if you think you are, you aren't. A persons personality is glamorized over social media, it usually never adds up.
My grandfather always tells me that the person you end up marrying should be the one you want to hang out with for every second of the day. Obviously I am not getting married anytime soon but I still apply this logic to my nonexistent dating life. I could never get with someone after knowing them for a short period of time. I want to get to know somebody before dating. I want to become good friends with them before any romantic involvement. A strong relationship is built upon trust between two people, by being able to be comfortable with each other, that's how it will last.
My approach dating right now is not to jump right into anything. Love at first sight is bullshit, show me love at first sight and I'll show you a relationship that won't last. When a relationship is based on sexual desire and forced dates, it will likely crumble. Now, if the relationship is formed in trust, connection, commonalities, and attraction, I truly believe it will last much longer. You want someone to take long roadtrips with and not feel like you have to force conversation, sometimes a good connection can form the bond that keeps you comfortable with your partner. A pretty face goes far, but a kick ass personality and a pretty face goes a hell of a lot further.
In this age of quick hook ups and electronic dating, it is difficult to find an old fashioned romantic like myself but I always tell myself that it will work out in the end, just have to be patient. I'll tell you one other thing, I would be much happier being single like I am right now as opposed to being with the wrong person. Always take your time when it comes to decisions regarding dating.
It sucks waiting for the stars to align, but it is something I have to do. Something I know is the right thing to do. My goal is to be happy with or without someone a year from now. If I find that girl I'll probably take her out to fancy restaurants and buy nice jewelry for her, but what I most look forward to is the small moments. The walks on the beach, the movie nights on the projector, the deep talks late at night, and so much more.
"Do not fall in love with the face and the body. Fall in love with the spirit, heart, and character."